


title to be explained later

by livii



Category: Doctor Who: The Curse of Fatal Death
Genre: Crack, F/F, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-09
Updated: 2014-12-09
Packaged: 2018-02-28 18:41:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2743037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livii/pseuds/livii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The black hole turned out to be a wormhole and things got a little funny.</p>
            </blockquote>





	title to be explained later

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dbskyler](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dbskyler/gifts).



> Thanks to my fabulous and so helpful betas, nonelvis and r_lee!

"No, no, no!" the Doctor shouted, storming down the corridor. "You're doing it again!"

The Master tried, unsuccessfully, to hide his etheric beam under his jacket.

"You promised you were renouncing evil," the Doctor said. She tossed her hair and gave her most winning smile.

"To be fair, that was when I thought you were finally dead," the Master replied. "Fatally and certainly dead."

"Still, you can't just take that sort of thing back. Besides, what in the world were you going to do with _that_? Your own locators would just locate it straight away."

The Master's bumps started glowing.

"See? Just like when I tried hiding that sharp icicle down _my_ bumps on Iceworld. I was standing straight up like a salute."

"Iceworld," the Master said, shaking his head. "So unoriginal. Why on Gallifrey did they name it that?"

"It was made of ice?" the Doctor said.

"Oh. Yes." The Master looked at the Doctor expectantly.

She huffed and tossed her hair again. "I'll explain later," she said, adding an eye roll.

"That's right," the Master said. "Oh look, I'm glowing even more."

"Only you would consider that foreplay," the Doctor replied. "Come on, let's go find a black hole to toss that etheric beam into. Then I'll show you mine if you show me yours."

*

The black hole turned out to be a wormhole and things got a little funny.

"Doctor," the Master said, uncertainly, "there's someone in your TARDIS."

"Blast," the Doctor said, as she turned the knobs and dials frantically. "We've run into our past selves. From another dimension."

"How is that possible?" the Master asked.

"I'll explain later - no, that's not an invitation, really, I am just awfully busy with these controls at the moment - oh, bloody heck," she said, standing up to face the intruders. "I can't do anything about this right now."

On the other side of the console, a tall man with a shock of grey hair and a cape stood next to a man with a rather nice beard. They appeared to have been interrupted in the midst of a confrontation.

"Oh look," the Master said, with a coo. "They're engaged in deadly vengeance of deadly revenge."

"We are _not_ ," the two men replied as one. They glared at each other, and then back at their other selves.

"It is pretty adorable," the Doctor said. She tossed her hair and grinned at the two men.

"Do you think his beard is better than mine?" asked the Master, looking a little peeved at the attention their other selves were getting. "I know my cape is better than that one at least."

"No, darling, your beard is just perfectly devilish," the Doctor said, as she came over to stroke his chin.

The other Doctor and Master were, by now, making repulsed faces.

"Tell me this isn't my future," the other Doctor said. "Please."

"Oh you," the Doctor said. "Go on home. It's a long way off!" She pushed a few more buttons and with a cheery wave, sent them on their way.

"That was easy after all," the Master said, impressed. "How did you do it?"

"I'll - oh come on, we've still got that beam to get rid of!"

*

"Oh my Omega," the Doctor said. She tossed her hair so roughly that she nearly snapped her neck. 

The Master just pouted.

"It's a different dimension," she said to the very handsome woman standing across from her. "We're in some wormhole, I don't know. Possibly someone will explain it later."

"Intriguing," said the woman, eyeing the Doctor's etheric beam locators. "This is certainly an interesting development." She reached out to test their firmness.

"Now darling," the Doctor said, as the Master began to protest, "you can hardly say anything. After all, she's you!"

*

"Oh dear. This will never do," said the Master.

"Right." The Doctor worked on the console again until the nightmare in front of them disappeared.

"That one was...crispy," the Master said, shuddering.

"Better or worse than nine hundred and ninety-six years in a sewer, though?" the Doctor asked.

"I distinctly remember your darling Emma's parting words: you were never cruel, and never cowardly."

"Are we not to talk about the sewers then?" the Doctor asked. "Oh my, I just realized how very, very much older than me you are. You cradle robber, you."

"Who was going to marry a human?" 

"Point," the Doctor said cheerfully. "Now where did we put that etheric beam? Oh, look, you're glowing again."

*

"This is so unutterably dull," the Master said, sighing a weary sigh.

"Oh hush," the Doctor said. "It's really quite interesting, being locked up in here. You'd think UNIT would have tried a little harder to understand. At least they took the etheric beam."

"They haven't even got any good telly in here," the Master continued, ignoring the Doctor. "I demand better treatment, you bumbling idiots!"

Footsteps echoed down the hall. 

"Result!" cried the Doctor. "But stop insulting them. Not evil, remember?"

"Doctor," said the Brigadier said, standing in front of the bars and holding the etheric beam, "I'm here to release you. Against my better judgment, given who you're consorting with. But the Master must stay."

"I told you," she replied gently, "he's renounced his evil ways. True, he still slips from time to time, and he's awfully unhelpful when I'm overthrowing dastardly regimes, but generally, he's quite harmless now."

"I object to that statement," the Master said, but everyone ignored him.

"My god, man - er, woman, I mean, oh nonsense," the Brigadier said. "Honestly, keeping you both around is my worst nightmare. Just go, and don't come back."

"Thank you," the Doctor said, as the Brigadier opened the lock. "We'll be back to our own dimension straightaway. Never meet again."

"I will never understand you, Doctor," the Brigadier said. "And you," he said, pointing an accusatory finger at the Master, "how did you ever have just an etheric beam anyway? We've put it in some shielding here to make it useable and not atrociously dangerous, but-"

"Yoinks!" cried the Master as he grabbed the beam and ran down the hall to the TARDIS. "Much appreciated!"

"How _did_ that work anyway?" asked the Doctor, back safely inside the TARDIS. "I hadn't thought of it, but it's awfully unrealistic."

The Master smiled. "I'll explain -"

He was cut off by the Doctor smacking him over the head with the beam.

*

There was a bit of an argument when they finally found the black hole, but the beam was safely deposited in it, because, as the Master finally had to admit: in any dimension, in any incarnation, and any state of bumpiness, the Doctor _always_ won.


End file.
